Monday, August 6, 2012


I am not one to admit defeat. 
I am not too proud, I just keep trying & hoping. 

but this summer I've been struggling. 
struggling to find balance. 
struggling to get dinner on the table....before 9pm.
struggling to keep up with anything. 
struggling not to feel irritated that all those "things I'll get to when my schedule changes and kids will be outta school and I'll have all the time in the world" are still undone, and it looks hopeless.
struggling because I've topped my highest weight and while I try to stay thankful I'm healthy and size doesn't matter-well it does matter. To me. 
struggling to find something fun to do that doesn't cost much that kids WANT to do that pleases ages 5 8 11 13 15 everyday that I have them home because I love summer. 
struggling because my garden is looking shabby beyond belief and it was top 3 things I want to do this summer. 
struggling to even make a grocery list! Because between thinking through what we need (basics), what my days ahead hold, what meal I should be eating (read above), what were out of, which store I have time to get to (somewhere between Trader Joes, Costco, and reg grocery store lies me trying to be budget conscious and not go to all 3 stores)
struggling how to deal with a heavy heart and the torture that lies just below the surface because my baby starts kindergarden. In 8 days. And I simply don't want him to leave. 

In the midst of all this, I've struggled trying to relish in the day at hand and "be" in the moment. Not feel like its all rushing past and every day is a blur.... 

And this is where pictures step in. They are my reminder of the moments I feel slipping thru my fingers faster than sand. 

 girls trip to New York and Boston
 Broadway shows!
 conquer the subway (we felt so brave & full of ourselves!)
 appreciating history
 learning to rip stix 
 berry picking
 ballet recital performances

 see The Plaza (one of their fav movies -Eloise)
 Amazing tour of Central Park
 Ellis Island
 OH yeah! Dylan's Candy Shop
 Mr. Bartley's in Boston
had a "Chef Todd Fisher Burger" at Mr. Bartley's -so fun-SO GOOD!
 visiting Harvard. wow!
 more history. Famous graves dating back to 1600's
 love our first visit to Boston
 giant gummy bears. 
 card games and cocoa
 our Fourth. 

 threw a huge party for his (my man) TV show premiere!!! 
hard to believe. 
 had friends over
 went to Santa Cruz
 traveled to pie. why not? 
 Giants game!

 backyard BBQ -need to do more of those. 

 survived a week of traveling, just us girls. 
 picnics at the park 
 went to Sky High

 water park with friends
 lil speed scrabble. 
 beach day!
 High School reunion. 20 years. shessh!
 teenagers went to camp-same week different camps. 
 sadly school shopping had to be done. Mr. B can't take off his new Batman backpack he's so excited. 
 Pointe shows fitting. Abbie starts pointe in the fall
and yes, you read that right. 
feather finder club ONLY. 
finding turkey feathers and such was such a big deal-and while I slept in one morning those "members only" made their own book too. Under lock and key those feathers are safe.

the total books I've read over summer- 0.
rooms that needed to get painted, painted- 0.
trips to library to spend summer afternoons reading- 1. 
amount of veggies harvested from the garden (does basil leaves count?) 2. 
clearly I'm not conquering much...

but times I have to remind myself, actually I need to look through my pictures to refresh my mind-we've had a summer full of random, real life days and my kids have been able to be home with their momma to rest, reconnect, and along the way we've had a bit of fun too. 

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